I come from a community where people hold values that have been in place for centuries. These values are portrayed with sayings like:
Never talk back at elders;
Always listen to elders because what an old man sees sitting down, a young man can’t see even if he stands at the top of a mountain;
Never use your left hand to give or collect anything from elders;
Always prostrate when greeting elders;
When men are talking women have no right to be present, and if they are, they shouldn’t speak until theyre asked to.
People gloat over the fact that they are above a couple of people in some hierarchy, at any given time - be it at their place of work or on the street.
As years passed, these acts morphed into habits. Habits that have been passed on through generations. Habits that almost everyone has the right to question why it is not being adopted by the coming generation.
If you don’t prostrate for your elders, your respect for the said elder I s questioned.
If you give or collect anything with your left hand, you might as well be burned at the stake.
It is a community where people feel the need to trump on whoever just because they can. Through these behaviours, adults grow to normalize physical and mental abuse.
They normalize not caring about issues outside their homes and personal space.
They disregard the need to protect the environment they live in.
They bully and deprive their brothers/sisters of basic rights just because they have the power to do so.
They brainwash their women into believing that they can only be succesful when they get married to a man and give birth to a male child.
change is never an easy process, but we can’t be doing the same things as our fathers and expect better results.
Our fathers and forefathers spent years viewing some of these behaviours as golden, because they needed a structure around caring for their dependants. But when we look at the environment developed on this structure, I can say they did too many wrongs for too long.
Yes, your hierarchy is something to be proud of, but it doesn’t give you the right to abuse people however you like. You’re up there to lead, to be an inspiration to your subordinates.
Someone talking back at you doesn’t mean you’re disrespected.
That you’re older than someone by a couple of years doesn’t give you the right to try to shut them up.
That I use my left hand to give or receive anything from you shouldn’t mean anything more than “I would like you to have this” and “I'm happy to receive this from you”. We have two hands for a reason - if one of them can’t be used, feel free to use the other.
Why expect someone to prostrate when they greet? I mean you’re not God. Even if you are, aren’t you supposed to be the epitome of humility?
Kids could be difficult to deal with, but taking your time to teach kids what you need them to learn helps in your mental development as well. When kids are bullied into keeping quiet all the time because you think they’re being annoying, they slowly lose that ability to be expressive adults.
Being a man doesn’t make you any more valuable than a female counterpart. Our behaviors and lifestyle are due for assessment. We need to reassess the way we live, to know what u-turns and detours to take. Change is never an easy process, but we can’t be doing the same thing as our fathers and expect better results.